What are cryptocurrencies, NFTs and the metaverse?

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As humans try to get by in 2022, we need to be familiar with global affairs, the former Soviet Union, mRNA vaccines, climate change, “culture wars,” giant invasive spiders, baseball lockouts, Euphoria, freaked governors and whatever is going on with Kanye West.

When the inevitable cryptocurrency, NFT, or metaverse arguments emerge, it’s too much! My instinct is to retreat, like a catfish sneaking into a mud hole. But refusing to commit is becoming impossible. When a Gulfport NFT home sold at auction for $ 654,000, the urgency crystallized. Apparently, we citizens need knowledge of this Byzantine taxonomy just to consume local news.

To study, I went to Crypto Street Restaurant, a bar that opened in Clearwater Beach in December. Menu items include the “Blockchain Club”, the “Dogedog” and … er, the “Cheeseburger”. I ordered a “Mad Protocol Salad”, blessed with a heroic amount of cheese. Cheese bodes well for cryptocurrencies! Surrounded by meme dogs, daily “candle pattern” exchanges, and Jeff Bezos quotes, I read all I could as tourists collapsed with lounge chairs. A very Florida scene.

Related: Clearwater Beach has a new crypto-themed hot dog restaurant “Dogedog”.
The interior of the Crypto Street restaurant in Clearwater Beach seen on Monday, December 27, 2021. [ IVY CEBALLO | Times ]

If you are into cryptocurrencies, the following will simply annoy you. If you’re anything like me, this beginner’s guide won’t even pierce the surface of ignorance. Each cryptographic definition requires three other definitions and a dictionary. Learn the language of Future Internet it’s a full time hobby, like writing dusk fan fiction or playing oboe softly outside a city window.

What is cryptocurrency?

It is a currency that exists exclusively on the Internet. Varieties include Bitcoin, Ethereum, and two (!) With Shiba Inu. People can trade old-fashioned dollars for cryptocurrency on the trading platforms. Opinions on this range range from “this is the future” to “this is basically Beanie Babies”.

Isn’t it regulated?

Mostly, though regulatory efforts are increasing, like when summer camp had to station an extra consultant in Cabin Six. All transactions take place on the decentralized blockchain.

What is the $ & #% blockchain?

You’re in luck, because this definition was on a poster under the hanger of the purse in the ladies’ room. In translation, the blockchain is a digital ledger in which no authority has control. Just like my emotional landscape.

It’s true?

What is real? Is money real or does it only become real when enough people agree that it is real? Also, are we living in a simulation? Now I will repeatedly stroke the side of the face and face existence. We are in five questions and nothing makes sense. This is going boards!

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Speaking of simulations, what is the metaverse?

The metaverse is a 3D version of the internet where avatar people can meet and hang out.

He is not alone The Sims?

I’m 90 percent sure.

OK, anyway, what is an NFT?

Non-fungible tokens turn digital objects like art, memes, tweets and, oh Mylanta, newspaper columns, into assets. Proponents claim that NFTs give artists control of their work. On Show tonightJimmy Fallon and Paris Hilton compared their NFT cartoon monkeys as the audience laughed nervously and turned into catfish.

Leslie Alessandra checks her phone before the auction begins on her five-bedroom, 3.5-bathroom Gulfport property which is considered the first NFT home to be sold in the United States with an initial bid of approximately $ 650,000. .
Leslie Alessandra checks her phone before the auction begins on her five-bedroom, 3.5-bathroom Gulfport property which is considered the first NFT home to be sold in the United States with an initial bid of approximately $ 650,000. . [ MARTHA ASENCIO-RHINE | Times ]

Celebrities, huh?

Stars love cryptocurrencies. Kim Kardashian, Tom Brady, LeBron James, Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow. Virtually all celebrities. Reese Witherspoon tweeted: “In the (near) future, each person will have a parallel digital identity. Avatars, crypto wallets, digital assets will be the norm. Are you planning this? ”This filled me with constant apocalyptic terror, the opposite of Reese’s usual iced tea vibe!

Does anyone dare say no?

Ben McKenzie, who millennials know as Ryan Atwood’s problematic piece The OC, hates cryptocurrencies. Having once held a dying Marissa Cooper in his arms, he is now rocking a new mission: to tell everyone that cryptocurrencies are a scam. In the most interesting career change since Vanilla Ice became a house pinball machine, McKenzie is writing a book with reporter Jacob Silverman. He says celebrities have no idea what they’re promoting. He said Cutting, “All I really care about is that people who can’t afford to lose money don’t lose it.”

Have you paid for your salad in cryptocurrencies?

I used the American Express. But the restaurant accepts cryptocurrencies, if you’re sitting on a stack of Doge and craving “To The MOOOONNN!” chocolate ice cream.

Do you understand cryptocurrencies now?

No.

Did you know that a catfish can survive buried in mud for a year?

Inspiring!

Related: Read more columns by Stephanie Hayes

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